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Recent Posts

The Time I Got Peed On At A Urinal

You Wanted A Urinal Story- You Got It!

OK, let’s be honest, nobody has ever asked for a urinal story. That’s just insane. The title is mostly to warn people what’s coming so they don’t click the link. But YOU clicked, you giant weirdo, so let’s do this. I’ve been knocked out with the flu for the last several days, so I’ve been slacking off on pretty much everything but binge watching American Vandal (which is truly, truly hilarious) and hurling my guts into the toilet over and […]

8 Benefits of Expat Life

8 Colossal Benefits of Expat Life

Last week I posted about 8 Ways Expat Life Sucks Worse Than Puppy Cancer, and I meant every word. But I also said I wouldn’t trade my expat experience for the world, and I meant that, too. So for the sake of balance, I thought I’d post about the benefits of expat life, cause there are many. 1)  You’ll Get To See The World This one’s super obvious, but it still needs to be said. If you want to travel, but […]

Expat Struggles

8 Ways Expat Life Sucks Worse Than Puppy Cancer

Exactly one year ago today, we were waiting in the Vancouver airport for our flight to South Africa. Everything we owned was already stuffed into a container and floating across the ocean to meet us at a later date. We were exhausted, excited, and nervous. We had said all our goodbyes to friends and family and were about to embark on our new journey. Expat struggles were something we didn’t even think about. Fast forward one year later, and we pretty […]

Review- Deep Sea Fishing With Umhlanga Ocean Charters

I’ve always said that South Africa is the most amazing place in the world to live. And the only thing better than living in South Africa is being on vacation in South Africa, which I was fortunate enough to be doing with my family for the last week. I’ll be posting about some of the things we did, but a highlight for sure was to fulfil a lifelong dream of mine and go fishing off the coast of Durban. It […]

30 Ways You Know You’re Almost A Local In South Africa

I moved to South Africa from Canada in September 2016. When I first got here, everything was strange, confusing, and wonderful. Now that I’ve been here almost a year, well, nothing has changed. But I think I’ve been adapting. One of my favourite bloggers, Joburg Expat, compiled of list of signs that indicate you’re no longer new to South Africa here. It’s a great post, and I thought I’d add some more ways you can tell you’re ALMOST a local: […]

Hey Vodacom, PLEASE Stop Dropping My Calls!

You know what I love about cell phones? You can use them to talk to other people. That’s kind of the whole point. OK, I know they’re also for surfing the web, navigating, and surprising women with pictures of your naughty bits (guys, here’s a helpful tip – no woman has EVER thought “Today’s been a good day. But you know what I could really go for right now? An unsolicited picture of Johnny’s wonder weasel”). But the MAIN reason […]

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Hi, I’m Phil.

I’ve been many things. A university English instructor, a picker upper of dead bodies, a musician, and a sales guy. My work brought me and my family from Vancouver, Canada to Pretoria, South Africa in September 2016, and I’m still wondering how that happened.

I started this blog mostly because my friends back in Canada kept asking me how things were in South Africa, and posting about my experiences seemed more efficient than repeating myself hundreds of times.

Maple and Marula is a way for me to make sense of my new surroundings as an expat who has no idea what I’m doing.

Words of Praise for Maple & Marula

Not a winner.
-Sabrina Duncan

Condescending Canadian.
-An upset South African guy.

What a lot of codswallop.
-Random South African Woman.