Don’t Miss the Next Post

Enter your email address below, and I’ll send you a message when I publish something new.

While you’re at it, lets also connect on social media.

Recent Posts

22 more weird things about South Africa

22 More Weird Things About South Africa

Last year, I wrote a post called 24 Weird Things About South Africa. It exploded, with the original post going viral, and then subsequent reposts of it on other pages also going viral. There were, of course, several people who got really defensive and said the post, me, and everything I’ve ever done in my life are all complete and total rubbish (as if I didn’t already KNOW that!). But the vast majority of South Africans love to laugh at […]

Learner's License South Africa

Getting a Learner’s Licence in South Africa, or How to Give up on Life

So, a lot has happened since my last post. One minute, we were on the trip of a lifetime in Namibia, and then….BOOM! Australia burned down, Iran and the US got into some kind of tiff, well known rapist/basketball player Kobe Bryant died in a horrific helicopter crash, a bunch of uptight weirdos got all butt-hurt over Shakira and J. Lo’s butts at Super Bowl LIV, Kim Jong-Un died, but not really because he came back to life and cut […]

Namibian Road Trip

I Survived A Namibian Road Trip, And I Barely Even Cried Every Day

Believe it or not, I have friends. Like, a LOT. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but it’s more than Oscar Pistorius can count on all his toes. In fact, I recently wrote about going to the movies with some of them in an effort to prove that people actually choose to spend time with me (there will be an update to that post soon- Nu Metro has reached out to me and wants me to give them another […]

Movie Theatres in South Africa

A Night at the Movies- South Africa Style

I grew up in Canada. And because I grew up in Canada, I never quite realised quite how boring my life was. For example, if I wanted to buy something, I’d buy it. I wouldn’t find myself immersed in a hilarious maze of customer disservice. And if I wanted to go to a movie, I’d just go to a movie and you know, watch it. Because a movie theatre has one job: to play movies, and it’s very difficult to […]

Tips for Driving in South Africa

Tips For Driving in South Africa

When I first arrived in South Africa in September 2016, it became rapidly apparent that I wasn’t in Vancouver, Canada anymore. There were full grown men running around in two-toned shirts and unintentionally hilarious hot pants, twonk-turkeys scaring the bejoobers out of me with their unholy yelling, and boerewors EVERYWHERE. Oh, and the most frightening drivers I’ve ever seen in my entire life. When people say “South Africa isn’t for sissies,” I’m pretty sure they specifically mean the roadways. It […]

Intellectual theft South Africa

Dashcams, Corruption, and Theft

Do you guys remember when a traffic official tried to get bribe out of me? I do. And I also wrote all about it here. To make a long story short, I got tired of being asked for bribes, bought a dashcam, and then was asked for another bribe. That kind of thing is, unfortunately, quite normal in South Africa. Since then, a kind lawyer and his firm have taken the case and have been continually escalating a formal complaint, […]

Read More →

Hi, I’m Phil.

I’ve been many things. A university English instructor, a picker upper of dead bodies, a musician, and a sales guy. My work brought me and my family from Vancouver, Canada to Pretoria, South Africa in September 2016, and I’m still wondering how that happened.

I started this blog mostly because my friends back in Canada kept asking me how things were in South Africa, and posting about my experiences seemed more efficient than repeating myself hundreds of times.

Maple and Marula is a way for me to make sense of my new surroundings as an expat who has no idea what I’m doing.

Words of Praise for Maple & Marula

Not a winner.
-Sabrina Duncan

Condescending Canadian.
-An upset South African guy.

What a lot of codswallop.
-Random South African Woman.