I’ve lived in South Africa for long enough to know that tourists have some pretty hilarious misconceptions when it comes to this country. While South Africa is certainly unique, there are a few things South Africans want foreigners to know about their country:
1) We don’t live in safari tents or grass huts. And we even have luxuries like toilets and electricity (at least when Eskom has their crap together).
2) You’re not allowed to make fun of rugby, or worse yet, South Africa’s national rugby team, the Springrolls. Saffas get really upset when you do that.
3) No, there aren’t wild animals everywhere. Except for when lions escape, which doesn’t help us to convince foreigners that we don’t REALLY ride elephants to work, as badass as that would be. You’ll generally need to head out to places like Kruger National Park or Pilanesberg to find the tigers you’re looking for.
4) THERE ARE NO TIGERS IN SOUTH AFRICA! (wild ones, anyway. You’re thinking of India).
5) Africa is a continent. South Africa is a country. In the south of Africa.
6) African isn’t a language. There are 11 official languages in South Africa, and English is one of them. If you’re reading this, you’ll be able to communicate with no problem.
7) We have stores here. Real ones. With groceries, clothes, toys, electronics, and everything else you’re used to.
8) You’re probably not going to get murdered. Yes, crime is abnormally high here, but with a little bit of common sense, you can drastically reduce your risk.
9) Your cell phone will work in South Africa. I mean, you can TRY to use drums and smoke to communicate over long distances, but people will definitely know you’re a foreigner. (Just remember to pick up a new SIM card at the airport- South African roaming charges are painful)
10) ATMs are common in South Africa. And credit cards are accepted almost everywhere. You don’t need to fill your underwear with wads of greasy cash before you get here (please don’t).
11) The water in South Africa is safe to drink (but Castle Lite is super cheap, so I don’t know why you’d ever resort to drinking water).
12) It gets cold here. Like, not “butthole of Canada” (Winnipeg) cold, but when it’s 5 degrees Celsius outside during the winter, it’s also 5 degrees inside your house, because insulation and furnaces aren’t a thing. If you’re here any time between June and August, get ready to freeze.
13) You know Jaco from Bloemfontein? Cool. No, I don’t know him. Or what I MEAN to say is I know several Jacos from Bloemfontein. None of them are your Jaco.
14) South African animals are cool to see, but please stop supporting the animal interaction industry. Apologies for throwing a serious topic into a light-hearted list, but it needs to be said. You can read why you shouldn’t cuddle lion cubs here.
15) You’ll never visit South Africa just once. This country is like cocaine, but without the side effects. From the second you land, this country will grab your heart and will never let go. You’ll be back.
So how accurate is this? What did I miss? Let me know in the comments.
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And our biltong is MUCH better than jerky. #justsaying..
Oh man! I can’t believe I forgot about that!
Most entertaining. Thank you.
We have internet and wifi!
True, and true!
Not just internet, but fast, faster and fastest. (Even though fastest is slower than true broadband)
A brilliant list! Loved the springrolls.
I’m just waiting for the hate mail…
Not all South Africans are black… Just FYI… I had to try and explain how I can be South African as well as white a few times!!
Haha- yes! That’s one I hear from people all the time! It’s not called the Rainbow Nation for nothing!
My white South African son was leading a hike in upstate New York for a summer camp. One night, a couple days in conversations went to SA and whether they have white people. One of the other counselors pointed out that my son is white, upon which one of the campers insisted that he’s not. Even though he could see him, he insisted that he must be black because he’s from Africa, and this was an older teen group. Took them forever to convince him that he’s actually white.
I know Jaco, too. Jaco is the guy who is always laying out some pitch (probably life insurance) at the table next to you, while you’re trying to spend a pleasant 45 minutes with coffee, a newspaper, and a chicken mayo sandwich. I find it impossible to ignore Jaco, or the improbable graphs on his MacBook Air. Pity the poor patsy sitting opposite Jaco. He has been warmed up with some small talk about the springrolls, but at this point, he wishes he’d never met Jaco. As do I. Don’t these people have offices?
Hahahaha! Thanks for the laugh. (and it was also scarily accurate).
I’m always tempted to follow Jaco out M&B to see what car he drives…
Your comments were spot on. I think I should know having lived there for over 50 years. Well done.
Glad to know I didn’t stuff it up!
Number 5 – spot on! Does my head in!
I’m honestly shocked at how many people get that wrong. And these are otherwise fully functioning adults…
Love this!!! I was once asked in Canada, if South Africa was a religion 🤦♀️
You should have just rolled with it…
Just for fun. You probably won’t know there is a shanty, poverty stricken, township just out of view alongside the motorway the cars use.
And you probably won’t know that push bikes are considered as hindrances and viewed as a nuisance.
And, that arts and crafts have been replaced with plastic. Shame.
I think most people are aware of the insane poverty here. I think they’re more surprised to see that not EVERYONE lives in poverty.
Crying 😂. As an American living in South Africa since 2011, this sounds like the conservation I have with every person every time I tell someone in the States where I live. #10 reminds me of the time when a friend’s family member asked me if we have cellphones in South Africa (at a party in the US). I jokingly replied to her that no, we don’t have technology yet but we’ve managed to train lions to run messages between villages for us. She believed me. I managed to convince her that for a small fee, you can have your message brought by lion like the ravens in Game of Thrones. If it’s an emergency, you could have it brought much faster by cheetah, but that’s expensive so we don’t use it often. I kept going. Eventually my friends heard and were laughing so hard that she figured out I was making things up. What can you do 🤷♀️
Haha- it’s amazing what some people will believe…
I’m a Brit, came here for 2 years with my husband, arrived on my 21st birthday. We generally return for +- 6 weeks every second year & we’ve both retired. Still get asked about lions roaming the streets & what we use for toilet paper! Serriass? Confession…prefer rugby to football, love the warmth, people & weather, neither are boring, the glorious scenery, beaches, mountains. We should never complain about traffic congestion. Livin’ la vida loca!
And we con’t wear cloths for clothes. Western outfits are the order of the day. You may however see some beautiful creative traditional outfits if you travel through remote rural areas. …..best one though is biltong compared to beef jerky and also boerewors is much better than brutts (been living in beautiful Colorado for 25 years – still miss those two!!!) Thank you for your insights – love reading your blog. Mooi loop en alles van die beste!
Great points! I think many people are disappointment to find out people aren’t wearing loincloths here…
And ya- I’ve had the “biltong is NOT jerky” conversation many times myself…
We have microwaves and fridges,know how to use them as well.My daughter was asked by an Australian if she knows what it is and how to use it.
You had me at Nut Factory Cum Books.
Both are funny enough on their own. But right beside each other…comedy gold.
Some people’s cellphones won’t work. They are sim locked to their home country network *Ahem* Americans. So bring an unlocked phone and figure out how “airtime” works.
Good point! I forgot to mention that. We had to unlock our phones when we moved here from Canada. It was a painless process (simple call to the cell service provider), but an important step!
Right on the money, & hilariously
so.
Arshmin😅
Very good.
Kruger Park is fantastic, but there are many other great natural reserves and places a visitor could enjoy. You have to drive kilometers far to see snow in winter. Lions don’t roam city streets at night and mambas are not pets. You can walk from Johannesburg to Cape Town if you have lots of time, stamina and sunburn cream.
South Africa is a great country and I love this country way too much 🤣
Can I add to your list? “despite the evidence of your own lyin’ eyes, the plastic bag is NOT the official flower of South Africa” p.s. I’m also a Canadian ex-pat, been here almost 20 years.
Also – people should know:
A boot is a trunk
A bonnet is a hood
A jersey is a pullover
A robot is a traffic light
A dummy is a pacifier
A cubbyhole is a glovebox
A jol is a party
A braai is a BBQ
And finally, “just now” could mean anything between right now and a few hours’ time.
And a “costume” is for swimming, not Halloween.
Haha- yes! It still sounds hilarious to me!
In my township,
Howzit: means hallo and how are you?
Sharp: means I’m well and good
Sharp Sharp: means Bye Bye
Eita: means Hallo, but sometimes we like to use both greeting words e.g.
Eita Howzit my bru(brother).
Eish!!! (without scratching my head) means I really don’t know
Eish (while scratching my head) means I totally fucked up big time.
My old lady: my mom
Chips: are fries and crisps
Checkers: is a supermarket but also a plastic bag
Zebra crossing is unknown to us, cars have a right of way.
We hate traffic circles because we don’t know who goes first, we prefer Robots to control the traffic flow (but we hate Robots with cameras)
Traffic circle is a Roundabout
Freeway is a motorway
We have many sun hours but we prefer Eskom (with load shedding) to Solar Energy
We shake hands with a firm grip, keep holding the grip for as long as possible.
What is personal space? Such a thing does not exist. We are all human and we love each other.
Someone asked me what our street food is like. I’m like if you like Chip n Dip you’ll be all over SA street food. You forgot to mention that you can not go for a run in SA, I suppose all the Comrades people prepare for the Comrades on treadmills and then one day a year they risk their lives by going out on the streets. And we celebrate Christmas in July, because Christmas is in winter (and we also have snow in July to make it look more Christmasy). Oh, and you don’t perhaps know Johan?
You should mention that we have decriminalised (almost) the use and possession of marijuana.
Remember the look I got when I asked for a sucker : ) and how disappointed someone was when I told them I didn’t have to hunt for my food. I was pretty good at javelin on sports days though, which didn’t help my case
Stats on SA should never be assumed to apply to SA. Each province are uniquely different from the other. In fact each town differs from the other. I constantly read about 8 ft high walls, electric fencing, security complexes, burglar bars etc and think, “geez, I’m glad I don’t live there.” We do have those in some of Cape Town’s suburbs as well, but that seem to be more in the rykmans buurte.
Here in the Northern Suburbs of Cape Town, I park my car on the street, and regularly get to it in the morning only to realise I never locked it. In fact quite a few times we’ve slept through the night with all the doors wide open. We go for walks at 20:00 (sun goes down really late in Cape Town during summer).
Crime is an issue, and the most violent place in SA are some areas in the Cape flats, but the stats aren’t general to SA – it’s very specific location based.
O JA, and in 40 years of living between the Boland and the Cape, never came across a traffic cop wanting a bribe.
I’m a Brit, came here for 2 years with my husband, arrived on my 21st birthday. We generally return for +- 6 weeks every second year & we’ve both retired. Still get asked about lions roaming the streets & what we use for toilet paper! Serriass? Confession…prefer rugby to football, love the warmth, people & weather, neither are boring, the glorious scenery, beaches, mountains. We should never complain about traffic congestion. Livin’ la vida loca!
So happy to discover your blog after your interview on Jacaranda FM. I love my beautiful country, but for now I do not like it.