What Have We Done???

I had a great life in Canada. I was comfortable. My career was on the right path. We were close to family and friends. Then, I was talking to one of our senior VPs one day, and he brought up the possibility of me taking a position with the company in South Africa. One catch though- he couldn’t guarantee me a job when I moved back. The sensible thing to do would have been to say, “I really appreciate the consideration, but I like where my career is heading here, my wife is doing very well in her career, and our 2 young kids love living close to family in Vancouver, which is consistently rated one of the best cities to live in worldwide. So moving to a country that’s known for its insane crime rates and widespread corruption isn’t really in the cards for me right now.”

So anyway, we live in South Africa now.

Literally everything here will kill the hell out of you

South Africa is like that guy you meet at a party who seems KIND of familiar. You’re sure you know him from somewhere, but can’t quite place where. He acts similar to the rest of your friends and doesn’t seem very unusual to start with. But something seems a little off with him. And while you’re trying to place how you know him, he takes off his pants and starts juggling swordfish (which he procured from who knows where) whilst barking into a kazoo. And then you think, “Ok, I THOUGHT maybe I knew him, but ya- I’ve never met this guy in my life.”

While South Africa can feel like home sometimes-you can get all the food you like, it has all the amenities you’re used to, etc- you quickly realize that NOTHING here is like home. You want to run a simple errand and have budgeted an hour, which would be overkill in Canada? Nope. It’s going to take you all day. You want to get internet and figure you’ll just make a phone call and make it happen? Nope. You’ll make several phone calls. And then several more. And you still won’t have internet. Just want to buy some appliances? Hahaha. Prepare to spend all day. And more.

But even with the frustrations of trying to get simple things done, it’s already worth it. Want to see wild lions? Easy. Elephants? Hard to miss. Want great food? It’s everywhere. And the people here are some of the most friendly (if usually hilariously and unintentionally unhelpful) people you’ll ever spend time with.

So it’s best to just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Because as I’ve discovered, nothing happens quickly here. So you might as well appreciate the scenery.

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About the Author

I’ve been many things. A university English instructor, a picker upper of dead bodies, a musician, and a sales guy. My work brought me and my family from Vancouver, Canada to Pretoria, South Africa in September 2016, and I’m still wondering how that happened. I started this blog mostly because my friends back in Canada kept asking me how things were in South Africa, and posting about my experiences seemed more efficient than repeating myself hundreds of times. Maple and Marula is a way for me to make sense of my new surroundings as an expat who has no idea what I’m doing.

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2 Comments

  1. I’m not sure how I came across your blog. It was a couple of weeks ago and it was probably one of the usual articles that makes the rounds for us saffas away from SA. I had a laugh out loud moments reading your “24 things” (omg the thunderdome comment! Hilarious and true!)
    I was chatting to my friend about it today and I reread it. And then started the journey through your blog entries. It’s been a few hours of hilarity. I’ve laughed out loud. Forwarded so many. Thank you.
    Us saffas that are far from home still miss it; there is something about Africa that is part of your soul. Reading your blog has been hilarious and also heartwarming.

    BTW: I remember Hillbrow as being an amazing place of my childhood in the 80s. Although I lived in Pretoria, it was where we went on Sundays for the best book stores and coffee. It was also where I used to go out partying in the early 90s. It was good to hear the community spirit was making a comeback.

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