I’ve been on vacation in Canada for the last little while, which kind of spoiled me, I guess, cause I ALMOST forgot how to be mind-numbingly patient. And if you know anything about South Africa, you’ll know that it will bring anybody who holds things like efficiency dear to their knees. You can beg, plead, and make deals with God all you want, but you won’t be able to get things done as quickly as you think. And such was […]
funny
You Wanted A Urinal Story- You Got It!
OK, let’s be honest, nobody has ever asked for a urinal story. That’s just insane. The title is mostly to warn people what’s coming so they don’t click the link. But YOU clicked, you giant weirdo, so let’s do this. I’ve been knocked out with the flu for the last several days, so I’ve been slacking off on pretty much everything but binge watching American Vandal (which is truly, truly hilarious) and hurling my guts into the toilet over and […]
I’ve Put a Lot of Disgusting Things in My Mouth…
The Background Whenever somebody starts a sentence with “I bet you won’t eat…” I don’t even hear the rest. The cacophonous ringing of cash registers in my ears drowns out whatever comes next. I’ve hate-fornicated my mouth hole with a jug of vinegar, an entire mug of hot sauce, a dried out crab shell my friend Fariyal found on the beach (related-Fariyal is a giant jerk), and the list goes on and on. You know those giant banana slugs they […]