Last year, I wrote a post called 24 Weird Things About South Africa. It exploded, with the original post going viral, and then subsequent reposts of it on other pages also going viral. There were, of course, several people who got really defensive and said the post, me, and everything I’ve ever done in my life are all complete and total rubbish (as if I didn’t already KNOW that!). But the vast majority of South Africans love to laugh at […]
Funny
31 Things That Happen When You Move To South Africa
I woke up the other day and realised we moved to South Africa just over two years ago. Two. Years. In dog years, I’ve been in South Africa longer than the Spice Girls were a band. It’s been all kinds of crazy and all kinds of wonderful (but mostly all kinds of crazy). In what other place in the world could wild elephants, shark-filled oceans, Julius Malema, massive braais, and neverending jols exist? Some of those are great, while others are […]
If You Don’t Know How To Use A Public Bathroom, This Post Is For You!
Look, South Africa, we need to talk. You’re home to some of the best wildlife, okay-est food, most wonderful people, and most hilarious fashion choices. I love all of it. But as evidenced by the fact I recently wrote about being on peed on in a public washroom, your bathroom etiquette might need a little tweaking. And if you don’t believe me, just check out this sign I recently saw in a public loo: There’s just so much going on there. […]
You Wanted A Urinal Story- You Got It!
OK, let’s be honest, nobody has ever asked for a urinal story. That’s just insane. The title is mostly to warn people what’s coming so they don’t click the link. But YOU clicked, you giant weirdo, so let’s do this. I’ve been knocked out with the flu for the last several days, so I’ve been slacking off on pretty much everything but binge watching American Vandal (which is truly, truly hilarious) and hurling my guts into the toilet over and […]
30 Ways You Know You’re Almost A Local In South Africa
I moved to South Africa from Canada in September 2016. When I first got here, everything was strange, confusing, and wonderful. Now that I’ve been here almost a year, well, nothing has changed. But I think I’ve been adapting. One of my favourite bloggers, Joburg Expat, compiled of list of signs that indicate you’re no longer new to South Africa here. It’s a great post, and I thought I’d add some more ways you can tell you’re ALMOST a local: […]
I’ve Put a Lot of Disgusting Things in My Mouth…
The Background Whenever somebody starts a sentence with “I bet you won’t eat…” I don’t even hear the rest. The cacophonous ringing of cash registers in my ears drowns out whatever comes next. I’ve hate-fornicated my mouth hole with a jug of vinegar, an entire mug of hot sauce, a dried out crab shell my friend Fariyal found on the beach (related-Fariyal is a giant jerk), and the list goes on and on. You know those giant banana slugs they […]
The World’s Most Grueling Competition
I’m not necessarily saying I’m competitive or anything, but I like to win. If you beat me at Monopoly, I’ll train bees to attack you. I like boxing with my 7-year-old son because I can beat him at LEAST 78% of the time. He’s a pansy (at least for now). I always finished exams first when I was in school, whether I knew the answers or not. Being first was more important than performing well. Same with sex. I ALWAYS […]
Giraffes Are Morons
This post is going to be short and sweet. I’ve been swamped with work, screwing around, and writing a guest blog for the website that inspired me to start blogging in the first place, the wildly popular Joburg Expat. You can check out Part 1 here. Also, we spent the last several days in Kruger National Park, which is my favourite place on Earth, and that’s really saying something because I’ve been to several In-N-Out Burger locations. This last trip will pull at least […]