Dear South Africans- many of you have had enough with the crime, corruption, and lack of opportunities you face every day. Nobody can fault you for wanting to leave. I’ve had several friends already pull the trigger, several more who are in the middle of planning their escape, and several who desperately want to leave, but can’t. Expat forums are full of Saffas who have fled the country and will never look back because they’ve built brilliant lives for themselves in Australia, Canada, the UK, or anywhere else that’s not HERE.
And you know what? I don’t blame them. South Africa has a way of bringing you to your knees. I’ve dealt with corrupt traffic police, with a border guard who didn’t know how to do his job and spitefully ruined our entire vacation, and with an angry mob of people who were throwing rocks and bricks at my car, forcing me to drive off the road and to safety.
And you know what else? I’m still in love with South Africa.
We left Canada for Pretoria on September 1, 2016. From the moment we landed, I felt like I was home.
South Africa has an incredibly complicated, violent, and terrible history. Apartheid was a blight on the nation for 46 years, and to this day, the country is still the most economically unequal nation in the world, which is easy to see when you take the short drive from the sprawling estates of Pretoria East to the corrugated tin homes dotting the litter-blasted landscape in Mamelodi. And this scene is repeated in countless places all over the country.
Yet somehow, through all the pain and misery, hope prevails. Like a flower reaching to the heavens in the middle of an otherwise barren desert, love and understanding bloom in South Africa.
I’m not here to deny there are problems. How could there not be?
But it seems the people who have moved on are the ones most determined to remind everyone that South Africa isn’t perfect, almost like they need to continue to justify their decision to move away.
But it’s time to give it a rest. We know you didn’t like here. The fact that you’re gone is evidence enough. And now you just sound like a bitter ex who continually rails about how terrible your partner was.
Please, go ahead and love your new, adopted country. But loving your new country and loving South Africa aren’t mutually exclusive. Just as you have the right to leave and fall in love with a new home, others have the right to love their South African home without being told how foolish they are. Terrible things happen all over. South Africa has more than its fair share, and my heart goes out to all those who have been affected by violence.
But still, I chose to move here. And I know countless people who were born here and who are choosing to stay, because although there are cracks and grime, the real South Africa will always shine through.
The real South Africa is full of people who promote unity and who work tirelessly to ensure the country is full of opportunities for everybody, no matter their background.
The real South Africa has only three groups of people: the small minority who are responsible for almost all the negative headlines, your friends, and friends you haven’t met yet.
The real South Africa has stunning beaches, breathtaking wildlife, and sunsets that seem far too beautiful to be real.
The real South Africa is optimism in action.
The real South Africa displays incredible diversity, where people from all over Africa (and the rest of the world) showcase and share their unique cultures, food, and artwork.
The real South Africa has been through hell but is more determined than ever to put differences aside and grow this country together in the true spirit of Ubuntu.
The real South Africa beats in our hearts, a rhythm that connects us all regardless of language, colour, or upbringing.
The real South Africa will find a way.
It’s fine if you don’t agree. But you can stop telling me how terrible South Africa is. Because I’m adding my voice to the mighty chorus who choose to make this place our home, and our love for this country is stronger than a headline.
It’s OK to believe in South Africa.
Today, choose one small thing you like about this country, write it down and put it in a jar. Then tomorrow, choose another. And the next day. And the next. You’ll need a bigger jar than you first thought.
Every time South Africa knocks you down (and let’s be honest, it will sometimes), take out the jar and look at one of the small things. Or several. Or however many it takes to make you remember that South Africa is like no other place on Earth.
Many thousands of South Africans have moved abroad, hoping to find paradise. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but paradise doesn’t exist. Home, however, does. And I’ve found my home right here in South Africa.
(If you liked this post, don’t forget to sign up to the mailing list here so you never miss another post again! While you’re at it, you can like the Maple and Marula Facebook page here, the Maple and Marula Instagram here, and follow Maple and Marula on Twitter here)
I have traveled to over 140 countries. South Africa is my favorite and I have returned 16 times. Of course I love the wildlife, natural beauty and wonderful food. But the people and their beautiful spirit are what call me back. South Africans are like no other people in the world. They are friendly and optimistic every day no matter how difficult their lives are. They are diverse and speak so many languages with such ease. South Africans always have time for each other and for strangers. When we bring friends with us, they are a little fearful at first and end up wondering why anyone would choose to live anywhere else. South Africa has my heart. Only complaint is they drive on the wrong side of the road.
The wrong side of the road? You must have run into the very few South Africans who choose to stick to one side!
But yes, I absolutely agree with you. The spirit here is incredible.
😂
Priceless remark about the driving!!
A friend (also new in SA) once said to me: “If you can drive in South Africa, you can drive anywhere!”
😀😀 I am a South African who lived in China for a year, they put our ‘bad driving’ and ‘lack of personal space’ (from your other post) to shame. Perhaps that’s why all the Saffas settled in quiet easily, while all the Europeans were left in shock.
Thanks for the great posts.
I have to agree with you on this topic They drive like Hell Drivers and more so when they are late for work
Love you reply! Live in SA for two years back in the 90s. The magic of the people is what I miss the most. That and the ever mindblowingly beautiful nature.
A stirring piece – but aren’t you nearly st the end of your three years in SA? You can and probably will be leaving soon. What about all those who have experienced horrific crime and who can’t afford to wall themselves off in gated communities and live the privileged life of the affluent – the lives that many white South Africans took for granted under apartheid and which some have managed to hang onto? Who don’t have big cars and safe subsidized schools and a Canadian paycheck to buffer them from SA’s realities of fear, polluted water, crumbling infrastructure, and corrupt government? All who leave SA are in anguish at the loss of family and landscape and country , but treasure their new-found safety, for themselves and especially their children. Don’t downplay their pain – they didn’t simply ‘not like it here’!
You have a fair point. And it’s one I’m aware of. I specifically mentioned that I feel for the people affected by violence.
I’m also aware that I’m in a privaledged position. My 3 years was up last month, but I extended as long as I was able (another year now). We’re still trying to find ways to stay, but visas are an issue.
I get that many people have had a different experience than I have. But I do know many who don’t done from a position of privilege who love South Africa and wouldn’t leave if they could.
I have no judgement against those who have decided to leave. It must be a hard decision. But I’m also getting tired of being judged for trying to stay.
Thanks for writing a realistic but positive post, with a glimmer of hope in it. I live in Cape Town and I am fully aware of the beauty surrounding us on a daily basis as I drive, or sit somewhere looking at the mountains etc. This week has been especially sad due to the murders and rapes that have taken place in this city. We are all deeply saddened and affected, and peaceful protests have been planned for this week. However, at the same time I love the country and when I try to think of somewhere else that I would feel comfortable to live, I cannot think of anywhere that does not have issues, albeit of a different kind. I have been to Canada, USA and all over Europe but this is home with a lifestyle I could not have elsewhere. I have no choice but to remain here. Despite the current anxiety I still see many kind and good things happen around me each day, far away from the headlines. Thanks for your posts, I enjoy them all.
Sometimes we all need a little reminder. It was exactly the events of this week that made me write this post. For every bad thing in South African there are 100 good things.
Thanks for the beautifully written piece on our stunning homeland! I miss it every day
It would be hard not to miss this place. It’s beautiful chaos.
I feel your visa pain. I found SA nearly 7 years ago and fell in love with it and its people. I have lived in many different countries throughout the world but SA and its people cling to my heart like nothing I have ever experienced before. Even with all its problems and issues, I would make the decision in an instant to live there for the rest of my life. But visas….
South Africa is amazing, coming from a South African who still wants to leave for Canada. And I think most people who do leave wish they didn’t have to. I’m sure if SA worked the way Canada did. People would be wanting to come here rather. I know the ‘true’ South Africa you are talking about but sadly from my own point of view it’s shrinking.
Love the post and pictures though, sounds like the SA I remember growing up in.
I love when you write and most of it is fair dinkum true. There is not a day that I don’t miss it’s vibe. When I lived in SA, the best part of going on an overseas vacation was the coming home – the warmth of the people and all the familiar things you have described. Yes, it has beautiful beaches (spent my teenage years on Clifton 4th beach); yes it has the game parks; yes, a braai is the best. However, some of us didn’t head for lands afar because we were scared witless by the mayhem we read about in The Star. Some of us knew that being with kids who had married and emigrated because jobs dictated, was, for us, the sweeter option. I promote SA wherever I am; I’m thrilled when a Calgarian tells me they have visited Cape Town and climbed Table Mt; driven the Garden Route; visited Kruger National Park. However, I have family in SA who have kids writing Matric and face the dilemma of deciding whether a SA University will be up to snuff. Whether, when they’ve graduated there’ll be a job for them. So, in SA terms, it’s not a black and white situation and I’m not talking about skin colour – I’m talking about thinking ahead. It took us 11 years from start to finish to complete our emigration, culminating in a Citizenship ceremony last Thursday. It doesn’t happen overnight. Was it worth it – certainly! BUT do I miss that gorgeous country you describe so admirably – absolutely! Today I had a message from a lady who looked after our family and home for years and years. Her name is Bongi. She said “The xenophobia in central Joburg is terrible. I’m worried for my family, the kids when they go to school, me when I leave for work. I’m frightened”. Another thing for me to worry about from afar. Africa never goes away even when you live near the North Pole in a country where nothing happens! As you said before “boring is (sometimes) good”. Keeping writing – you fill me with hope.
I really feel for the people who are affected by the real issues South Africa has.
I don’t judge the people who left. I know everybody had their reasons. And you sound like someone who does see both sides.
I’m just really tired of the people who have nothing good to say about the country and try their hardest to tarnish its reputation even further.
We need more people who can see the good along with the bad and not completely write off the country.
Also…congrats on your citizenship! Must be a great feeling!
Thanks so much. We were welcomed by the most charming of Judges and celebrated thereafter with Canadian friends. Yes, it does feel good. We’re keep SA citizenship so it’ll be the marrying of the red passport with the green. That’s cool.
Just beautiful, Phil!
Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves about the good in the world.
Thank you xxxx
Thank you for this heart warming post. It is so good to hear that you love and choose to live in our beautiful country. We certainly have many problems but then so do many other countries. Nowhere is perfect. I just pray that things will improve and that all can live happily and peacefully in this great country of ours. I always look forward to your new posts when they arrive in my in-box. God bless you and your family.
Thank you! It’s been a challenging week for South Africa for sure. Now more than ever, we all need to work together to help this country realise its true potential.
I loved this post.
You are so right. It really is like a broken relationship. Like having an ex.
I emigrated almost 23 years ago. The first few years was exactly that. It was hard that “your ex” moved on. That they seemed just fine without you. You grieve and feel hurt and broken and lonely and without a home or heart. You lash out, while at the same time being thankful that you are safe and crying for what you lost and what could have been.
Emigrating was the hardest thing I had ever done. I am not sorry but it doesn’t change how much it hurt and how much I missed my family and friends and culture and language. But once you heal you are able to remember the beautiful things and not be bitter. I was able to move to Botswana for 3 years and from there visit South Africa often. Knowing I was not staying makes a big difference in how you perceive a country. I had the luxury of only focusing on the beautiful and the good and the joy. I am so happy I could do that.
I consider myself Canadian and South African. I married a South African – so I brought a bit of South Africa home with me. I have no illusions that my toddler son will be 100% Canadian and I am thankful he has that opportunity, but like with any first love . . . South Africa will always be special. Always be part of me. Always in my heart.
What a great story- thanks for sharing! I truly believe that between SA and Canada, you have the best of the world in your heart now.
Totally agree.
I’ve travelled around the world have many family and friends all over… Nothing like home. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Proudly South African
The only reason the grass seems greener is that there is so much kak to fertilise it…
Great piece Phil! It is hard for people to see beyond the bad aspects of living there especially if they have been wronged. I admire you for standing up for what you believe in and for writing so passionately about it. We can’t wait to hopefully get to SA some day!
We’d love to see you guys out here! But I’ll be home for a visit in April- it wouldn’t be complete without seeing you!
I get where you are heading towards, but you must understand that some of us left after going through traumatic experiences. It’s easy to say the real SA this and that, but we will talk again once 5 thugs have your wife by the throat threatening to rape her. It’s not easy leaving our entire family behind to try and build a new life for ourselves and hopefully our parents and children in the future. I agree that it can become tiring to hear how negative people are, but your whole attitude changes once you become a part of the statistic. So yes, I will not keep quiet about how terrible SA is – why? Because keeping quiet about it is as good as accepting it. That being said, I dont go everywhere complaining or talking nonsense about the country either. But the fact that you have not been a victim of serious crime or abuse makes your argument about “sounding like a bitter ex” null, I’m sorry!
I agree- my perspective would likely change drastically if I became a statistic. I don’t judge anybody for leaving, because everyone who has left did so for valid reasons, whatever those might be.
I thought I made it clear in the post that I understand why people have left.
By the same token, I’m tired of being judged by those who have left. Be happy in your new home- I wish you all the best. And I’m also OK with calling out the garbage that happens here on a daily basis. I’m, not blind to it. But to completely write South Africa off seems a little short-sighted to me.
Ruan we left SA 20 years ago . The hardest thing I had to do in my life. I love my land of birth as I grew up in, not what it is anymore. It will take a miracle to change SA again to the wealthy prosperous country it was 25 years ago. We are Duel SA and Canadian citizens and doing very well. And like you, I feel that Phill is not seeing the bigger picture in SA as he have not had bad experiences and if he wishes to stay there, then I am happy for them, but being there for just a few years I feel he have no way of giving any input about SA in general as he is doing. The beauty of SOME places can not be denied, but so have every place I have travelled and I have been in many countries. At this time the animals are without water and food. The drought is taking it’s toll on famers and animals. I sit here crying for them. The murders, the rapes, the killing of children. The corruption in the government??? That cannot be hidden from the world anymore. Phill should look more clearly around him and wake up.
Being a “statistic” does not necessarily make you bitter. We were victims of a house robbery a couple years ago. My husband was shot, but thankfully survived the ordeal.
As much as there were a couple of horrible South Africans who did that to us, we will never forget the way hundreds of others rallied around to assist and support us for a very long time after this happened.
We live South Africa and its people (most of them anyway) and choose to stay regardless.
Thank you for this beautiful piece, it says what I struggle to put into words. We lived in the UK for 7 years. It was wonderful, we made friends with the most interesting people, I truly enjoyed our time there. However I could not fit into the culture, raising children there was very hard for me. Other South-Africans adjusted better, and they are raising their kids over there just fine, they enjoy a happy life. Both my husband and I were attacked while living in the UK, my husband was held up on a train with a knife one night, and my car was attacked my a group of drunk teenage girls who tried to smash my window with a fire extinguisher. More than once we left a bus before we reached our destination, due to a fight that broke out. My husband also had his salary cut to one third during the 2008 recession. All this said, I missed our time in the UK, it took me 7 years before the longing stoped. I am in a position where South-Africa treats me well, our children are in a wonderful school, our neighborhood is safe and we have decent jobs and a bunch of wonderful friends. My husband’s family all left the country more than a decade ago. And I am beyond the point where I can stand any more of their criticism about our choice of country. To me it feels like they are verbally abusing us, as if their new passports give them the right to judge us. My mother in law is the only person who visits us. And it is a massive eye opener every year when she visits. I agree that some people left after a really bad experience in SA, and yes I am not in their shoes, so I will not judge their decision. But people abroad are also misinformed about SA. And the good news never travels over water. My mother in law always comes with the most absurd questions, for example, how does your children cope in a classroom with 53 pupils. They truly believe some of the nonsense that people tell, and ironically those are usually people who left 10 plus years ago and never sat a foot back in SA since. I am happy for my in law family abroad, it took them all time to find their feet. But you know what, I am also happy. Last week my children took part in the Tshwane Youth Festival at the Pretoria State Theatre. Beforehand we had drinks on the balcony overlooking Pretoria with loud African music playing from a nearby restaurant. And you know what, I like it, in fact I LOVE it. Some of those schools put up a performance that would have had Simon Cowell lost for words, and I am so proud of those children who embraces such a rich culture. And when my family abroad asks weird questions I am actually very proud to see how far we came in a decade’s time to break down racial barriers. Things they see as a problem we see as progress. Unfortunately my in law family value their opinion about South-Africa above us, and I am no longer at the point where I put up with their verbal bullying and superiorness. This was our choice, a choice that we took few years to make. I respect your choice of living abroad, I wised you also respected mine, but I suppose living in SA automatically voids respecting my decisions, making our schools out as bad, our neighborhoods as unsafe and our careers as foolish. I can not go into an argument about South-Africa because I will miss an opportunity to see a beautiful person pass by, or exchange a few words with a random person at the supermarket check out or waste my precious braai time in my perfectly imperfect country.
I’m glad you’re finding home again! I think it definitely works both ways. I try not to judge those who have moved away, because they’re fighting their own battles that I don’t know about.
But by the same token, I get annoyed when I get inundated with people telling me how wrong I am for loving South Africa and living here.
I like your phrase “perfectly imperfect country”.
This post made me want to cry, almost every sentence you wrote I kept on thinking. This is exactly how I see South Africa. How I love and hate that beautiful place that no matter where I end up when I go home it will always be South Africa. You can either see the country on the edge of “disaster” as many would like to call it, but I just see it a complex plant that needs all sorts of weird nourishment and sunlight.
Exactly what you said! It’s a country of extremes. The valleys sure help you appreciate the peaks…
Thank you so much for this wonderful post – just loved it! I am an African through and through (though I could definitely live in Tuscany or Provence!). Yes, we have problems – serious ones – but then, who doesn’t? Just look at the havoc those two illustrious world leaders, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are causing. As you mentioned, nowhere is perfect. BTW, have you looked at http://www.goodthingsguy.com? If you haven’t, do so – you’ll love it! Thanks again Phil, just love your posts – I always drop everything to read the latest one when it arrives!
I agree completely! And yes- how those guys got into power is beyond me. It’s frightening. And yes- I love Good Things Guy! They actually reposted this very article this morning.
Oh wow! Awesome, congratulations!
I think when you refer to the “bitter ex” you need to realise that if you don’t stand up and fight, or you don’t shout when there is a need to shout, you risk diminishing the loss of those who have been a statistic. Some of the things you have said are hurtful as I’ve been hijacked twice and my father was stabbed 8 times and nearly died. By a man who was released early from prison where he was serving a sentence for rape. Everyone loves a positive person but don’t cut down those who want to make a stand and get angry when it is actually something we need to get mad about (believe it or not fury is the normal response to crime, not tootling about saying “ah no, it can happen anywhere”…it doesn’t really). We can’t just sit and sing kumbaya and expect a change to happen especially if you don’t want to be a statistic. It’s important to have hope, but it’s also important not to sweep things under the carpet. A few bricks thrown at your car is cute in comparison to what many of us overseas have been through. I understand that you feel attacked by us because of your decision to live there but it is exactly that…your decision. You can’t take our experiences and anger and fight to change as a personal attack. I was exactly how you are now, and god I wish I still felt that way, I really do. I’m not saying change your mind frame, really! It’s the best way to be as it means that you haven’t been tarnished and I hope you never are. But the only way to make sure that never ever happens is to show unity and outrage when outrage is due. Just my opinion. Otherwise our experiences were in vain.
Hi Kerry- agreed! We can’t stand by and ignore the things that happen. It was good to see the marches yesterday against femicide. These things deserve and need attention.
My heart goes out to the people affected by violent crime. I even said that in the post, but many people conveniently skipped past it and went right to being angry that I’m enjoying the country they hate.
In the article, in no way was I saying it’s wrong to try to change things. What annoys me is the people who don’t want to change anything- they just want to refuse to believe there is anything positive left in South Africa and post vitriolic negativity for the sole purpose of spreading hate and unrest.
I also don’t blame anybody who has left for leaving- no matter the reason. But it seems that was a lost point…
I think in my case I don’t get upset that you enjoy SA. On the contrary, I want to ensure that you can enjoy it for many years to come. And I can’t do that by sitting by singing kumbaya when it’s time to be outraged. I was brutally patriotic. In April 2016 I was arguing with a pilot over how he said “sadly, the cost of life in SA is so low, beautiful country though”… I clutched my pearls and said “it’s the best place in the world, crime happens everywhere! You’re just being negative”….May 2nd I was on a plane back to SA where my Dad was in hospital. At first I felt let down, then angry, then frustrated that nothing then gets done? What will it take…did anyone anywhere else attend marches? Why were there so few people?…because people were on the beach…being positive…choosing to ignore it…untouched…too busy. I did that too…until it happened to me.
I think I’m on the same page with you here.
I can’t even imagine the pain you’ve gone through, and I’m sorry to hear about it.
I do think people need to speak up- in encouraged by the protests right now in Cape Town. People have had enough, and they’re letting the president know. I hope he’ll finally listen.
The country is deeply flawed. My post wasn’t meant to ignore that or to say people shouldn’t fight to clean it up. It was more about reminding people that there is still something to love here. It seems many have forgotten that. But it doesn’t sound like you’ve forgotten. I don’t think we’re as far apart as it first seemed.
Two buzz words spring to mind: firstly: False equivalencies. No, South Africa’s rates of violent crime and desperate poverty are not phenomena endemic to the rest of the world, and certainly not in Canada, not (even)the US. They are recognized across the globe as tragic symptoms of a dysfunctional society gradually disintegrating despite desperate efforts by many good people to turn the tide. Secondly: white privilege. All of us who lived through apartheid experienced the safety and security that a racist government, good education, and money provided us by virtue of our ‘European’ identity, with only a relatively small group of white activists courageously stepping outside that bubble and often paying an outrageous price. Nowadays, not only expats ‘cry the beloved country’ – many of those who dedicated their lives to the fight for a new SA have been brought to that point too. Your experience of SA is buffered by your wealth and foreign connections, and in your circumstances who wouldn’t wax lyrical about the beautiful SA landscapes, the lovely beaches next to expensive hotels, good cars, the delightful weather and friendly neighbors? Manicured gardens, domestic help, security services, gated communities – this is the lifestyle much of the white minority fought to defend. The fight against apartheid made many who joined it feel they were on the side of right and good and that it was worth staying on to see the struggle through. A departing American ambassador went on record as saying he was glad his children had spent a few years in SA because nowhere else could they get a finer moral education. But nowadays, enjoying the same white privilege in the midst of the daily tragedies of endemic unemployment, violence, hunger, hate, a crumbling infrastructure, corruption everywhere, epic levels of pollution, all of which must be dealt with by a burgeoning population of desperate people, makes it almost obscene to ride around in expensive cars and enjoy one’s good fortune in the face of so much misery. I hope with all my heart that SA finds a way forward – I have a daughter and grandchildren in Cape Town as well as many friends who stayed – but I also have a son here in the US who is doing remarkably well. I worry about the one constantly and am grateful every day for the happiness and success of the other. I have no doubt, Phil, that you’ll choose to let your children grow up in beautiful, safe Canada when the time comes when you have to decide on how to help them forward into a productive and happy adulthood.
Thank you for your well thought-out comment, Kathy. I appreciate that you’re willing to engage, and not just fight.
I think what most people have missed in my post is that in no way am I trying to blame people for leaving. I understand the reasons, and I quite plainly said so. Each person has their own unique experiences. Some left because of terrible things that were done to them or loved ones, some out of fear, some because a career offer sprung up that they couldn’t refuse, and some simply for adventure or love. None of these reasons are wrong.
Also, I never deny or excuse the crime here. It’s out of control, and the government isn’t doing enough to stop it.
But that wasn’t the point of the post. I’m friends with many South Africans who feel the same way I do, even though they don’t have the “magic passport” that I do- the one that seems to be such a point of contention with so many people commenting (not just here but on other sites where the blog was re-posted).
I’ve seen numerous examples of South African expats going out of their way to convince everybody that will listen that South Africa is terrible. I’m super ok with calling out the problems, but it seems that many people have forgotten that there is anything worth saving in South Africa at all. And THAT’s where I take issue.
So many SA expats feel it’s ok to openly attack me and call me an unfit parent, delusional, and other things for seeing the good here. But the second I call them out for their hateful posts about their home country, I’m the bad guy. There is a difference between mourning for something lost and actively attacking those who remain positive.
I could go on and on about how most of people who take exception to the positive posts speak fondly of “pre 1994” (they’ll never admit they’re apartheid apologists, but it doesn’t take much digging to find the ones who are (I’m definitely not accusing YOU of being one- I’ve just seen many of them)) and the hate they perpetuate, but I don’t think it’ll be productive.
And finally…my privilege. I’m keenly aware of it. As a white, Canadian male, I won the genetic and geographical lottery. I’ve spoken about it before. My experiences aren’t the experiences of many (most). But that’s MY lens. And as I’ve mentioned, I know many people here from all walks of life who also remain positive about the country. So I know they exist.
So here’s a summary of the whole post I wrote: there is still a lot of good in this country; I don’t fault anybody for leaving, whatever their reasons;I know terrible things exist here, and I’m ok with acknowledging them, but I’m tired of hearing from people who are clearly enraged that somebody has dared to see the positive in the country they hate (however valid their reason).
ps- my expensive car is a lower end Toyota Hilux. Still better than many can afford, I know, but numerous people seem to have misjudged my vast wealth.
Great post Kathy. The key words ‘dysfunctional society’, ‘across the globe’, ‘buffering of privilege’, . My key words ‘inner values’ , ‘global value system’, . Hiding behind a religious value system which would advocate the idea there is / should be fear, poverty, violence. Expensive hotels, manicured gardens, security services, gated communities, vs endemic unemployment, hunger, hate, crumbling infrastructure, – it is global – so that none enjoy the elusive ‘good life’ whether living in either tin shack or gated community. I felt the contrast when in SA it is also felt here in UK and read about in USA. Human value system is missing.
Thanks for this! Inspiring to read about the beauty and share appreciation for a special unique Ubuntu filled country. I moved to NZ to be with my partner (a kiwi) and meet so many expats here who have run away and give “my” (our beloved) country such a bad rap! It’s inspiring to be able to find posts like this to share with others and let them know it is still a very special place and worth a visit.
The country is a wild ride for sure…but that doesn’t mean there’s not a TON of good left in it! I hope you’re enjoying NZ, and I’m glad to hear you still have SA in your heart!
I love your blog – in fact, it’s what we share with anyone here in America when they ask what South Africa is like, because you tell it the way it is, and use grammar and terminology that they are used to 😉
However, I think this time, you missed the plot just a little bit.
Not everyone moved because of the bad things in South Africa. And not everyone who left, plan to stay away forever. You’re making us all sound like traitors and scum. We’re not. We still love our country. We still give money to churches and organisations that really make a difference in the lives of South Africans who need it the most. We still keep in contact with our friends and family and try to understand what’s really happening instead of just believing the bad news stories that make it here.
I will continue reading and sharing your blog. But please think about and (hopefully) change your opinion on people who moved away from South Africa. You don’t understand everyone’s reasons and you don’t know everyone’s plans about going back or staying away forever.
Thanks for the comment, Enke-Mari.
Maybe I wasn’t entirely clear. You’re right- people left for many reasons, and I don’t judge ANY of them.
My only issue is with those who left who do nothing but bad mouth the country and do their best to attack people who have chosen to stay.
It sounds like you’re not one of them, so I by no means meant you!
I have zero bad feelings about people who have left, no matter their reasons. I’ve met many people who left (both online and in person) who agree that South Africa is deeply flawed, but not too far gone.
I hope that makes sense!
Yeah, thanks for your reply. And I totally believe that you didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re dissing people for leaving. I guess it just wasn’t super clear from your post. … maybe you could double-triple proofread your posts when they’re in this vein 🙂
I am on a Facebook group for “South Africans in the United States” and there are totally people on there that only diss South Africa – even that amazing video of all those artists coming together to sing Johnny Clegg’s song – there actually was a dude on that group that said he will never go back and that he doesn’t associate himself with anything from South Africa, and I’m just wondering – what are you even doing on the group if you don’t pride yourself on being a South African anymore!!!?
Anyway. I get it. I just think your post wasn’t too clear about your real opinions. I eagerly look forward to your future writings. 🙂 thank you for what you do.
In defence of the facts.
I appreciate this is your personal blog, but it’s going viral, and this post contains very little of the aforementioned. Its more emotional, motivational, illusion that South Africans often use (understandably) to relieve their own fears.
I’m a South African living overseas, and I’m not “negative” about SA, I love the place and always will, but I also simply refuse to spread deluded falsehoods, and I don’t usually allow others to get away with twisting facts unchallenged either.
This is the big issue here: “Terrible things happen all over.”
As one other commenter pointed out, that is false equivalence. That one statement is the big shawl South Africans often pull over their own eyes. Yes terrible things happen all over, but on VERY different scales. The statement in the context of SA is the like looking at a guy dying of AIDS, TB and lung cancer and simply shrugging and saying “everybody has health issues”.
SA has one of the highest murder rates on the planet. We are talking tens of thousands every single year, and that’s only the one’s that get recorded in a highly corrupt and underfunded policing system. Its murder rate is over 30 times higher than almost every 1st world country and several times higher than most other 3rd world countries too! And other violent crime stats simply waterfall off of that. Rape, child abduction, carjackings, armed robberies, violence against women and children etc, etc, are all so endemic, and policing so poor, that we really don’t even know exactly how badly they compare with other countries, other than knowing they are sky high. These are not petty crimes, these are crimes that are life altering. These are crimes that in 1 second ruin you forever. You lose a child, a partner, a best friend, to one of these, you will never be the same again, and you are CHOOSING to stay in an environment where these things are far far more likely than almost anywhere else on earth. This is reality, not personal opinion.
What comfort is it to tell an AIDS orphan or a mother whose child was raped or one of the families of the 20000+ murder victims “Don’t be so down oke, terrible things happen everywhere.” You are insinuating that their problems would be the same even if they grew up in Sweden or Switzerland. Its almost criminal to be so dismissive of suffering on such a scale.
I’m currently living in a country (UK) that’s losing its collective mind and politically imploding in a laughable circus shit-show. And other SA expats have to deal with their own problems in their own new countries too, but that doesn’t change the fact that I live in a village which has never had a recorded murder in modern history. Not one. I have not one single form of security on my home other than a door. And in 11 years living in several different parts of the country I’ve never been a victim of any crime big or small. Unlike the many terrifying violent crimes I encountered in the last 11 years I lived in SA.
I have utmost respect for someone who honestly and genuinely looks SA’s problems right in the face and says, “I’m not scared, I’m staying and I’m going to make this country a better place”. Seriously hats off to you. You’re a braver person than I, and SA needs people like you to have any hope. I really wish you all the best. But PLEASE for the love of everything, STOP trying to spread the delusion that “shit happens everywhere”. Because the shit that happens in SA most certainly does NOT happen everywhere.
If you say you love your country but you’re not honest about it’s flaws, then you don’t really love it, you love your own version of it in your mind.
Facts, not wishful thinking. Science, not anecdote.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate?fbclid=IwAR3ioHK87K1dwS-tOBJc3mwEqQEYSvXe44lSOQghoPHgxkVoQAxbAUo6jKk
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_South_Africa?fbclid=IwAR1BsO0JT2zbe3WfBFp3ZQtkdt7G8HX7b_1-3mmV7U8UFotrAkVtJ_8Zif4#/media/File:South_African_murder_rate.png
Thank you Phil for your writing – both the poignant and the humorous. You are a regular read for us. Thought I would share our story.
Last year, we visited South Africa and Zimbabwe on a trip my wife had won in a sweepstakes. Although we had visited several countries in southern/eastern Africa over the years, this was our first time in South Africa. Upon meeting an expat couple while flying out of a safari camp in Zimbabwe, little did I know that my wife was in the back of the plane (I was in the front) changing our lives. Fast-forward a year, we have purchased a bit of land outside of Kruger, with the plan to retire early.
Pollyannaish? Crazy? Naïve? We’ve heard the negative feedback from Americans and SA expats. (although for most Americans it is beyond their comprehension). “There’s nothing to do there besides look at zebra bums” – well, that sounds great! Yes, we are well-off privileged white people with both US and UK passports and no children, yet are going into this adventure with eyes wide open. Yes, the statistics for SA are higher than the US, but the US is a violent country too. We don’t hate the US, and we know that SA isn’t perfect. Nearly daily, from afar via social media, I see wonderful examples of our future SA community. Will it be easy? No. But if we wanted easy, we’d retire in Arizona. We believe in South Africa too.
Thank you for a wonderful and positive article about our country. I feel the exact same way and never want to leave here!
Glad to hear it! There are many, many people here who see the good and are working towards making it the best country on the planet.
WOW!!!! What a post, thank you so much. It made me cry and brought back so many memories of my childhood and my life.
Thanks for getting where I was coming from with this post. A lot of people missed the point- I’m not criticizing people for leaving. They all have their reasons, and who am I to judge? This country has massive issues.
But the other side of the coin is that there is so much worth saving here. I truly, truly love it and all the people here (and from here, but who are presently elsewhere).
I feel your visa pain. I found SA nearly 7 years ago and fell in love with it and its people. I have lived in many different countries throughout the world but SA and its people cling to my heart like nothing I have ever experienced before. Even with all its problems and issues, I would make the decision in an instant to live there for the rest of my life. But visas….
This has been a fantastic thread to read, the post itself and the comments that have followed.
@mapelandmarula you have done a great job making an effort to respond to all of them.
I’m a South African who has been fortunate enough through sport to have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time living abroad both in Europe and the US from 2001 – 2011, but always being able to come back to SA for 2-3 months each year.
In 2010 I had been away for an extended period due to Commonwealth Games in India (fraught at the time with terrorist threats) and on to Australia for World Championships late in the year.
I arrived in Australia a few days before the rest of the national team and had a nostalgic moment to reflect on SA and how I felt about it. This is what I wrote at the time:
“Africa Dream”
I have a confession to make.
Of a love affair,
A dream of another,
Not a woman,
Not a man,
But of a Land…
I dream of shifting sands,
Of magnificent horisons,
I dream of Africa!
It’s my back door,
I wish to explore!
I yearn to soar,
Wild and Free,
To sail the sea,
Pure ecstasy!
I long to hear,
The lions roar,
The waters fall,
To give my all!
I dream to run,
Unbound,
As I was born to be,
Part of nature,
It is my sound!
I yearn to be complete,
To let my spirit fly,
From this insanity,
Such vanity?
I long to stretch my legs,
Across this mesmerizing land,
To be carried away,
And lost in its sway!
I dream of making dreams,
An actuality,
Reality,
Humanity,
Not insanity…
I yearn with fervour,
For the unexpressed,
For those suppressed,
For the undressed!
I long to address,
And redress,
With quality finesse,
Those that have been undone,
And undermined,
In an undefined,
Quantity,
Of in-equality,
Such Inhumanity!
Insanity?
I dream a dream,
Of truth,
If truth be told,
Of the untold,
Of being bold!
I yearn to mould,
To make a difference
To take a stand,
For this land!
I long to spell it out,
To shout it out
Like it should be,
For all to see!
I dream with passion,
I see the beauty,
Deep within,
Let us begin,
To take charge!
I yearn for hope,
For those without,
For there to be no hole,
In their soul,
I long for harmony,
For quality,
Equality,
For tranquillity!
I see massive lightning storms rolling in,
Dark and exciting,
This is Africa!
I see the starry night skies,
Full of heavenly splendour,
This is Africa!
I see the sun rising up,
Big and bold,
This is Africa!
I hear the lions roar,
The waters fall,
The people’s song,
I feel their cry!
This is my heart,
This is my place,
This is my hope,
This is my dream,
This is me!
I run unbound,
I sail the sea,
My spirit is free!
I am
An African!”
Re-reading this brings all the same emotions back to me, but if I think of my wife and I having children here now, it changes the landscape drastically.
Love it Darren! Thanks for sharing!
I love your writting! It exaclty how I feel. this is my home, the country I love most. Working in the medical field I do believe if any thing may happen to you it will. You ncannot run away from your destiny that is traced in the Universe.
superb article
i am from the uk and have visited the cape (town hermaunus gansbaai and muldersdrift area of joberg) i have seen the disruption from a riot leaving joburg airport and it was worrying but i was people that live there and all they said was lock doors windows up dont worry its a protest
i have also met people from all backgrounds and they were absolutely charming and so helpful
its a beautiful country with beautiful people regardless of backgrounds or colour and its now my number one destination as i have only seen less than 1% of the place
people of south africa keep fighting
dont let it go down the Zimbabwe route
best wishes jay
As a born and bred Saffa, I can honestly say that this post is exactly where my heart lies. I love my country and my people. Thank you for your honest insight into our beautiful (and sometimes chaotic) country.
I love your blog. Thanks for bringing a fresh eye and humour to the situation here.
I too have been affected by violent crime but would never leave my home. Have a look at #I’m staying on FB to see the gees of this country
I’ve been part of that group since it was a baby a couple of weeks ago! Love it!
I have just lost my Sunday since a FB “friend” made me aware of your blog. How apropos to read yours and all the other posts – so many different perspectives to consider (and lots of smiles, too). I am born & bred Canadian and very grateful for whatever drove my parents to settle here. Five + years ago after 2 years worth of emails going back and forth my daughter & I decided to “jump off a cliff” and go to South Africa. Having been fascinated with Africa since elementary school, reading”Cry, the Beloved Country” in HS as well as books by Mitchener, Mandela, Courtney, etc. I thought I was pretty well aware of the history and grim events, and of course, accounts in the media of the horrible issues in South Africa. What I did not anticipate was immediately falling in love with the place and the people. Since then I have answered the call 4 times, each time taking a different grandchild, my daughter again, and a close friend with me – they all loved it and want to return. I have encountered a few South Africans who moved to Canada and greeted my positive comments with very negative rants and seemed to think that I was guilty of treason. Right now I am in the midst of purchasing a small “vacation” property in my favourite place where I hope to escape 90 days (visa) worth of cold and gloomy Canadian winter & hopefully explore some other areas of SA (yes, I am retired). My lawyer spent the first 30 minutes of our recent meeting spouting off warnings and trying to discourage me from a foolish and dangerous decision. No – she had never been to South Africa and only knew what she saw and read in the media. I also have 2 more grandchildren with whom I’m looking forward to sharing my fondness for this extraordinary country. While I’m familiar with some of the words, phrases and customs, I have learned a lot of useful stuff from reading your blog and responses. Thank-you.
I read all this and this resonates:
“Your experience of SA is buffered by your wealth and foreign connections, and in your circumstances who wouldn’t wax lyrical about the beautiful SA landscapes, the lovely beaches next to expensive hotels, good cars, the delightful weather and friendly neighbors? Manicured gardens, domestic help, security services, gated communities – this is the lifestyle much of the white minority fought to defend. ”
and
” I have no doubt, Phil, that you’ll choose to let your children grow up in beautiful, safe Canada when the time comes when you have to decide on how to help them forward into a productive and happy adulthood.”
But more importantly, PIC. No5: Who’s the guy wearing a light-blue shirt and a tat?
Daddy come thru & slide into my DM’s!
I don’t think you’d like him. He’s a South African who is incredibly positive about his country.